An Aching, Yet Sweet, Hungover Feeling

One morning I woke up quite hungover, with significantly less money in my pocket, and with a feeling of guilt and emptiness that lingered for days and that marked the beginning of a downhill race towards the day of our meeting.

Per. For months I have been without him; not seeing him and having hardly enough time to speak to him. A time difference of nine hours is the most difficult I've experienced yet. There simply is no good time to call, and when we finally do talk, there is so much to catch up on and tell that neither of us know where to begin... and so we say nothing. The only thing that will work now is togetherness, and we try not to be frustrated. It is the longest we have ever been apart, with the exception of that first terrifying year after meeting in Australia and then leaving each other with no idea if or when we would meet again. But now we know better, and this time is for each of us separately- for ourselves- and we drink what we can of it now, because it truely is a gift.

The last month has been a busy one. I work at the hostel, having now started taking some breakfast and desk shifts, and try to do what I can with my social life. This has slowed quite a bit since I started working very early shifts on the weekends- leaving me struggling to get to bed by ten on Friday and Saturday nights, and politely declining the invitations I receive to come out around that time. For this reason, Halloween came and went without much attention from me, except for the two pumpkins I carved, the scary movie I watched, and the party I made a brief appearance at.

As for our place, it is a haven for travelers and we're enjoying our first week of quiet in a few weeks. Lesley was a guest at the hostel who recognized me out at a bar one night, which ultimately resulted in her staying at our place for about two weeks. It was nice to have the company, and I hope her trip- who's original purpose was lost early on- was a little better because of it. :) We also had a crew of Alaskans staying over that weekend, putting us at full capacity.

What will I remember about this time in my life when I look back in years to come? Most likely that I asked and I received. If Sweden made me feel older and somewhat hopeless, it also drove me to the realization that if my life passed me by, it was my own fault. Getting off the bench and getting back in the game has been inspiring, and I've come as close as possible to getting my wish granted: That I could regain my youth and the feelings of exhilaration and hope I had then. I have felt these again- with more appreciation and awareness now- and for that I am changed and eternally grateful.